Quilting is my therapy

We have all been through it, some form of depression or life changing event that has just sucked the life out of us. For me that has been one too many times! Back surgeries, heart and lung surgery, as well family losses.

I was a nurse for a very long time, also a social worker and forensic psychologist, I know the ins and outs of depression for sure. But did I really have depression or just the blues? And what triggered it?

Well, no I was not clinically depressed as stated in the DSMV-Tr5. I was however very "down". I did not want to get things done, I was lethargic as we say in the clinical world. I had no want to get life's little things completed. I knew many happenings in my life contributed to this, and was not very likely to go on to find out more of what to do. UNTIL I had my final heart surgery and found I do have a long term terminal illness which would change my life forever. During this period I lost some very close friends to cancer and an uncle too. But being told I had to quit work or not have much longer to live due to stresses of my job well that was a kick in the teeth as they say! And I was at a complete loss as to where to go what to do or how to do it!

So after recovery period and making some hard decisions, I left my job! And then I said well now what! Seriously what the hell am I supposed to do now!!! I was angry, I was moody, I was plain old pissed off!

Quilting mends the soul...

I remember my grandmother saying that many times, as I sat under her frame while she hand quilted, watching that needle go in and out of the fabric from that perspective was mesmerizing. My sister and I and many cousins too sat at the feet of our grandmothers while they peddled away on the treadle machines they used every day to mend or make. That too was mesmerizing, but the best part was getting to rock the foot rest that made that machine go. The sound is not the same as it is with our new fangled computerized and electric machines; it was soothing.

Those word's "Quilting mends the soul"; they resonated with me not too long after being home from NO MORE WORK, I was at my wits end! I tell you those first few months were daunting, not having that norm to go to everyday.

But, was I getting or feeling better?

Yes and NO.

I was bored out of my mind! I knew what my limits were, what I could not do anymore, but what the hell was I SUPPOSED to do?

I am not sure if you retire from your jobs and ask yourself this, or if you have a life changing event which causes major changes in your life and you ask this same question; but I did every single day!

It got old real quick.

Then I realized I was not doing ANYTHING! Nothing, notta, buhbkis!

I was getting lazy, depressed "down" and FAT! I had not been a big person before all of this and am still not, but when you realize your clothes are getting tighter you get a bit more upset! And that was NOT what I needed!

I had a sewing machine, and some fabric and some thread. So I started thinking. WHAT IF?

Then I would just go onto another book or television show...

One day, I was sitting and thinking of what could I do, what can I do....

And well it hit me. Make something. I had always been a creative type of person, and I had the items I needed to get started. Little did I know what I was getting myself into. I just needed something to occupy my mind and hands. I was not used to just sitting around. I was not one who would let things take me over without a fight!

Sew, the machine came out. I threaded it, I cut pieces of fabric and I started to sew them back together. Over and over, repeating the process just like any other mundane thing we do in our days. One thing was different though...

I enjoyed it. I found myself actually smiling a little more each time I completed a new section or block or whatever it was that I was doing. I was just happy to be doing something!

That was 2 years ago this past December. My life changed in an instant with that last bit of news following my heart surgery. I had thought I was done-- life had ended. Then those words "Quilting mends the soul", crept into the back of my mind. And those words changed my life.

Am I healed? NO.

Am I going to heal?

No.

Am I better?

YES!

I am no longer lost in the day to day doldrums of life passing me by. I am no longer moody or sullen. I plan things out, I make things, I talk to others and help them find things to do as well.

Is it a form of therapy though really?

You damned well better believe it, and never let anyone else tell you otherwise!

I can tell you this. Since I started this hobby called quilting, it is now a way of life. I plan around it! Seriously I do! I have made this blog, My store, and my Facebook group pages due to this hobby of mine. I have found so many new friends, and people who have or are going through what I did. I never knew it could make my life this fun and better truthfully. I think my grandmothers lived longer than others due to this as well.

I found something I enjoy, I know I can do it, and I know it does not have to be perfect or need to be accepted by others.

Here is what has changed for me since starting quilting:

I have better numbers at Doctor visits, I have fewer bouts of woe as me's, and I have fewer days of I don't want to keep going like this. Well, I have none of those never really did, but that little bit of thought can sneak in. I am better now I have something to do and look forward too.

Quilting does mend the soul, it helps to ease the pain of days you just don't feel like it anymore, it helps occupy the mind and hands, and it definitely gives you something to look forward too! I love the finished product and can't wait to see it all come together! It mended my soul and will yours too.

Let it seep in slowly, get some ideas, and some fabric and thread and try it.

A quilt left unfinished can not love- but maybe it can heal some pain or hurt while it is being finished.

Til next time.

T